The Prayer of Relinquishment

Many years ago a dear friend, an "older woman", gave me a set of  books by Catherine Marshall.  You may have heard of A Man Called Peter and Christy.  Widowed in her thirties, with a young son, Catherine Marshall faced the spiritual challenge of her life.  But God did great and mighty works in her life and the multitude of lives she touched, like mine.  Although her books are decades old now, and she is gone from this world, her writings remain classics, and have shaped my walk with the Lord. 

So this morning in my quiet time, as I prayed for a friend suffering with cancer, I suddenly thought of something I had read in one of Catherine Marshall's books.  It was about a place in prayer where we, like Jesus, have to say, "Not my will, but Thine, O Lord."  Ms. Marshall had a description for it that I couldn't quite remember.  It's so amazing when God gives a thought and leads you right to the source. I went to the bookcase, picked one from 3 of Ms. Marshall's books that I still have, and it opened right to the chapter--The Prayer of Relinquishment.

When I read this chapter the first time years ago, it was very profound for me.  It put the words in my head that described an experience of relinquishment that was my own.  You see, as a young married woman I had experienced a couple of years of infertility and ultimately an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy.  Eventually, it was time to have more extensive tests to see if I would be able to become pregnant and deliver a healthy infant.

If you've been in this situation you know the thoughts that go through your mind over time . . . the what if's . . . what if my husband leaves me for someone who can bear his offspring; what if we have to face the future childless; what if we can't afford to adopt?  And then the questions . . . Why God?  Is this punishment for___? Why should my husband have to give up having children of his own?  Is it because I would be a bad mother?

I wasn't consumed with these thoughts and questions, but underneath it all, they were never far away. God had put two families with adopted children in our lives.  That sure made it look like God was preparing us for this inevitability.

So the day came when I lay on a cold, hard table, in a cold, dimly lit radiology room, all alone, waiting for the doctor to come and initiate the test that would determine if my uterus and falopian tube (singular, since the other had been removed due to the tubal pregnancy), was open, closed or scarred.

But the struggle I faced in prayer that morning was not about infertility or childlessness.

It was about whether I could trust God . . .

trust in His love for me, trust in His wisdom, trust in His healing power,

trust in His higher purpose. 

 could I trust His sovereignty?

In those moments of prayer, in the fear of my future without children of our own, God brought me to

a place of Relinquishment.  

It was the most glorious peace I had experienced since the night of my salvation.

I knew that I had just entered into God's presence, and He had held me.  

link to song, "Held" by Natalie Grant

The fear was gone, and His love and strength to face what would come . . . His plan, not mine . . . was so real, I literally felt lifted above that cold, hard table.

Then the doctor and radiologist came in, the procedure was started, and I experienced the worst pain of my life, as the dye was injected into my uterus and forced into the falopian tube.  The pain began as a full and burning sensation, but gradually grew until I thought I would pass out.  The doctor's face was very serious, and then suddenly I felt an explosion in my abdomen followed by a gradual release of pain. 

In the days following the procedure, we were left in a state of limbo, not knowing what our future of childbearing would be.  But we had hope--there was a possibility that the pressure of the dye being injected may have opened the tube, which the procedure had revealed to be closed.  However, the caveat was that the tube could still be scarred and cause another tubal pregnancy.

But I had PEACE in my heart, that God was in control, and our future was in His hands.

Relinquishment gave me Hope as I rested in the Promise that He had a Plan.

In my case, as you know if you've read about my children, God had opened the tube, and gave us three healthy babies without complications. I became pregnant with our daughter during the month after the procedure.  And God gave us two sons during the years that followed.

But, I can assuredly say, that I know God had also given me the faith, on that day of Relinquishment, to trust Him even if I had not been able to have children from my own womb.

As I remember the excruciating pain and explosion in my belly as the pressure of the dye pushed against my organs, I wonder . . . Could the pain have been the beginning of God's power to resurrect life in my body?  Could the relinquishment of my dreams for His purposes, been a sacrifice, pleasing and acceptable to my God, a sacrifice that would yield his favor?

The Prayer of Relinquishment has been a powerful force in my life.  When my husband faced being paralyzed, God brought peace to my heart as I released the future to Him, and claimed the specific Word that He gave me that day to WAIT on Him . . . for the mounting up, for the walking and running. I sat alone in a waiting room breathing in and out, my heart still in His presence, absorbing His strength, once again held by his arms.

When my youngest son was walking in inner pain and rebellion, I relinquished my sorrow and fear for his future to my God who had created him and had a plan for his life. Although it was almost a daily exercise, God worked to free me from guilt and anxiety, and gave me life-giving prayers that gave me peace and eyes to see His work in my son's life. He gave me patience, hope and endurance, even when I was weak...

The Prayer of Relinquishment is so much more, however, than just a sense of faith and hope and peace.  It is saying to God, "I freely give you my self-will, what I think I need, and open my heart and mind to willingly receive what you know is best for Your purposes."  

As Catherine Marshall stated, "I'm tired of asking (for healing)...I'm beaten, finished.  God, You decide what You want for me. . . . Gradually, I saw that a demanding spirit, with self-will as its rudder, blocks prayer. . . God absolutely refuses to violate our free will; that, therefore, unless self-will is voluntarily given up, even God cannot move to answer prayer." Adventures in Prayer

Some may ask if this Relinquishment is just a lack of faith, a resignation of hopelessness? Or is it the essence of a heart and mind that says to God, "with you I can face my fear, my trepidation about this road I'm on, and believe in Your love, grace, mercy, power, and plan that will accomplish more than I can ever comprehend."

Dear Father . . . all things are possible to you.  Let me not have to drink this cup!  

Yet it is not what I want but what you want.   Mark 14:36

This was Jesus looking at the torture and death He was facing, and asking God to change His plan. "YET," he yielded to God's will in obedience. "I will voluntarily give up my self-will to do what you want."

"The prayer was not answered as the human Jesus wished.  

Yet power has been flowing from His Cross ever since."

Adventures in Prayer

This West Texas fire, much like the battles we face in prayer, stopped at the foot of the Cross.

 And when God sends rain He will bring the barrenness back to life . . . 

He brought us out . . . to bring us in

Whether remembering 9/11 or your own life circumstances, may we contemplate the truth and power of God always present in our lives.  I found this anonymous poem from "At the Beautiful Gate", in Mrs. Charles E. Cowman's  September 10 devotional, Streams in the Desert, Vol. 2, 1966.

"He brought us out . . . that He might bring us in" Deuteronomy 6:23

"Out of the distance and darkness so deep,

Out of the settled and perilous sleep,

Out of the region and shadow of death,

Out of its foul and pestilent breath,

Out of the bondage and weary chains.

Out of the companionship ever with stains:

Into the light and glory of God,

Into the holiest, made clean by blood,

Into His arms, the embrace and the kiss,

Into the scene of ineffable bliss,

Into the quiet and infinite calm,

Into the place of the song and the psalm.

Wonderful love, that has wrought all for me!

Wonderful work, that has thus set me free!

Wonderful ground, upon which I have come!

Wonderful tenderness, welcoming home!

 Out of disaster and ruin complete,

Out of the struggle and dreary defeat,

Out of my sorrow, and bondage, and shame,

Out of the evils too tearful to name,

Out of my guilt and criminal's doom,

Out of the dreading, and terror, and gloom:

Into the sense of forgiveness and rest,

Into inheritance with all the blessed,

Into a righteous and permanent peace.

Into the grandest and fullest release,

Into the comfort without an alloy,

Into a perfect and confident joy.

Wonderful holiness, bringing to light!

Wonderful grace, putting all out of sight!

Wonderful lowliness, draining my cup!

Wonderful purpose, that ne'er gave me up!

Out of the horror of being alone,

Out and forever of being my own,

Out of the bitterness, madness, and strife,

Out of myself and all I called life,

Out of of the hardness of heart and of will,

Out of the longings that nothing could fill:

Into communion with Father and Son,

Into the sharing of all that Christ won,

Into the ecstasies full to the brim,

Into the bearing of all things with Him,

Into Christ Jesus, there ever to dwell,

Into more blessings than words can e'er tell.

Wonderful Person, whose face I'll behold!

Wonderful story, there all to be told!

Wonderful, all the dread way that He trod!

Wonderful end, that He brought me to God!"

Our great and mighty God of the Bible, of the Declaration of Independence, and The Constitution of the United States of America, Our God and Creator, God of all Power and Wisdom and Love . . . let us never forget where we have been, and where you want to take us.

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Remembering September 11

Photos of tower attacks

http://www.rememberingseptember11.com/images/flagstillthere.jpg

The Discipline of Remembering

Last week my husband and I took a ride down memory lane.  After an extra long work week, over 10 days to be exact, we took a couple of days off while we made our way home from South Texas back to the Panhandle. We traveled familiar scenic routes through the Hill Country, while over-nighting in Kerrville, where we started our honeymoon 35 years ago.

 The roads we now traveled revealed the reality of severe drought in Texas . . . 

obvious almost everywhere . . . like sin in our midst. 

 Huge cypress trees growing along barely flowing rivers have turned brown . . . will they survive?  Pastures that in past years were filled with cattle are now empty,  the grass brown and sparse.  My husband says there was little spring green-up or growth this year, so what little grass we see is last year's dead winter grass, void of it's nutrition, the reason we see so few cattle . . . costs of feeding them is just too high in this economy.  In the evening we saw lots of small deer on the roadsides, looking for food where run-off from the little rain that has fallen yields some patches of nutrition. Lawns around houses are brown, tree leaves are wilted, and it's very hot...the day we left for home it reached 109. 

Yet, evidence of the faithfulness of God is still to be found . . . just like our memories . . . as we visited our old stomping grounds . . . with our eyes wide open to what will be when the rain finally comes.

In Genesis 9, God set the rainbow in the sky as an everlasting sign of God's covenant between Him and every living creature that there will never again be a flood to destroy all flesh. He said in 9:16, "When the bow is in the cloud, then I will look upon it, to remember the everlasting covenant . . . "

Even the Lord remembers.

We lived in the Hill Country of Texas from 1980 to 1994.  During that fourteen years we went from a family of 3 to a family of 5, from parents of a daughter, to parents of a daughter and 2 sons. We matured as adults, we grew in our walk with the Lord, we started homeschooling, we worked as a family ranching, we made life-long friends, and we knew the faithfulness of God through all kinds of circumstances, spiritual, emotional, and physical. We experienced life, in it's triumphs and losses.

As we weaved our way through the hills and valleys, we remembered the markers of our lives lived  in those places, among people who made a difference in our lives. We don't often mark our memories with altars like our Old Testament counterparts, yet many verses of Scripture encourage us to remember and to pass on to generations what our Lord has done not only in our lives, but down through the ages of time.

". . . in every place where I cause My name to be remembered, I will come to you and bless you."

Exodus 20:24

"In every place . . ." it says. Remember what the Lord has done, and you will be blessed.  Remember His Word, His promises, His deliverance, His answers to prayer, His miracles, His presence, His still small voice spoken to your heart . . .Remember what He has done. 

As we drove the roads we thought of people and experiences that we hadn't thought about in years. We remembered how blessed we are, how those times prepared us for our future, shaped our character, and give us strength, even now, to continue on this journey called life.

Near Medina, the road followed a creek running through a ranch.  The creek looked dry, maybe flowing underground only.  But in the middle of this drought, the owners were looking forward.  They were preparing for the rain that will some day come.  They were trusting that the rain would come and fill the creek again--they were digging out their lake, maybe repairing their dam, taking advantage of the dry conditions.  

We don't know the ranch owners, but we think we know their character.  They have found some good in dire circumstances.  Rather than "woe is me" bitterness and hopelessness, they are optimistic . . . their hope "springs eternal." Whether they are believers or not, we think they remember that good will come eventually, and their hope is keeping them steadfast and busy with preparations for better times.

And in the midst of dry riverbeds, and pastures barely covered in last year's grass, we passed through Hunt, TX, where the river runs peacefully, wide and deep, the huge stately oak trees spread their canopies and shade lush green lawns, and all seems perfect and peaceful.

And the reality of "treasures in the darkness," "streams in the desert," and "abiding in the shelter of the Almighty," is not just heavenly, but a tangible place of rest. God's Word is true, He is faithful, and hope does spring eternal when we are walking with the Lord.

Thank you, Father, for new memories mixed with old ones, for reminders to remember how . . .

"all things work together for good, for those who love the Lord, and are called according to His purposes."  Romans 8:28

This photo of Hunt is courtesy of TripAdvisor

Counting 1000 gifts of thanks with Multitudes on Mondays, page 3

It's always a good day to list gifts of thanks with Multitudes on Mondays--a good discipline also.  And first of all, I thank the Lord for Psalm 16:8, a verse I've been meditating on for the past week:

I have set the Lord continually before me;

because He is at my right hand,

I will not be shaken.

How do I "set the Lord continually before me" ?  It is intentional, it is a discipline, just like giving thanks.  I don't always succeed, but the only way to live in the rest, joy, and peace that I am promised, is to discipline my mind, taking every thought captive, and turning it toward the Lord--focusing on His ways, His plans, His promises, His truth, His love, His power, His presence with me, His Word.....seeing and knowing Him right now, on this day, every day, at this time in history, in my circumstances.

Thank you Father.....rather than a spirit of fear, that leads to a sense of vulnerability and weakness, you have given me power, love, and the discipline of a sound mind . (II Tim.1:7)

".....because He is at my right hand".....In this scripture, and many others, the right hand, or right side of the body, is considered the strong side, the most dexterous or coordinated. Psalm 16:8 expresses David's need of protection from his enemies or from death. Because he has the Lord at his right side to be his strength, he is able to stand against that which could harm him.

Thank you Lord, that you stand next to me, ready to steady me, giving me Your strength when the circumstances of life are being used by the enemy to bring me down.

As a nurse, I trained fellow workers and families to stand on the strong side of one who is weak when helping to stabilize that person, and increase their mobility.  The weak side of the body draws strength away from a person standing on that side and makes it more difficult for the strong one to stabilize the disabled one.  But the strong side--their"right" side, will become stronger and able to overpower the weakness with the added strength of the one who stands by.

Thank you, Holy Spirit, the One who walks beside me, giving me stability, even in my weakness, the One who holds me by my "right hand" so that I will not fall headlong, for You are the one who holds my hand.  Psalm 37:24

And the thought occurs to me, that I can be that same kind of support for others.  When I walk alongside a friend, what support I have to offer should be given in a way that will encourage and support their strengths.  Weakness is overcome by strength....just as strong muscles become stronger when stressed by use and exercise.

And more thanks.....

For my #1 grandson who, at 3 y/o, has decided he shouldn't go anywhere without his Bible.....and for his parents, who have helped him to taste and see that the Lord, He is good, and an ever present help in trouble.

 

For my daughter and son-in-love celebrating 7 years of marriage, always ready to share their blessings with others...and for becoming such good parents to grandson #2....teaching him manners....now saying "no ma'am" (which means "no sir" also).

And for this son-in-love who plays in the rain with his son...
good memories for this nanna...

For my #2 son and his special lady, sitting at the side of a special uncle at a family reunion, sharing life stories, taking time to love and respect.....

For Becky, my good friend from the past, an example of perseverance and faith through blindness, grief, and struggles of life.....thank you Lord, for giving us time together last week.....a time to support one another and renew our friendship.

For the love of Chester...our English setter...who always waits for me to pet him after I let him out of his kennel, before he runs off to find the birds in the yard.  I need my Father's touch of love and affirmation, too, before I run off into the world everyday....

For fresh paint on old walls......a spiritual picture of renewal by the miraculous changing power of God in my being...

and the list goes on.....because His mercy is new everyday.....just like fresh paint!

Pulling it all Together

crabapples and my pretties

 My crabapple tree was beautiful in full bloom this spring, and now it's loaded with fruit.  After reading an article on "The Art of Arranging" in the August issue of Real Simple magazine, I was inspired to make this arrangement on my dining room table, and crowned it off with crabapple limbs. Doing things like this really help me get "centered" after times that stretch my spiritual walk with the Lord and pull me away from my daily routine. Somehow, being creative and focusing on the details of beauty help me get back to a spiritual perspective for all that has rattled me.

As I tried to put into practice the suggestions from the article, I couldn't help but think about how I was trying to "pull it all together" spiritually and practically now that I was home from three very busy and trying weeks of traveling and working--first babysitting grandson #2, then painting my mom's living room, and in the middle of it all--a wonderful 4-day summer fling with my "forever friends"-- then a few more days of painting and preparing for bed bug treatment at mother's house, and finally at the end--a family reunion. Then, once home, our clothes, luggage and pillows had to be treated for the bed bugs we had collected. You just never know what life will hold...

So using "The Art of Arranging," from Real Simple magazine, let me share how I've pulled myself  together....after days of joy, pleasure, difficult circumstances, personal challenges, and physical and spiritual demands.

"Where to Start....it begins with hunting and gathering....Successful displays are about character, composition, and a pulled-together palette."

Opening my Bible put me on the hunt...hunting and gathering the Words of Truth about all that concerned me.  God's Word, a rich habitat for the trophies of wisdom and understanding, and the Holy Spirit, renewed my mind and replaced wrong thoughts with right ones. Then with thanksgiving, allowing Christ to have His way in my weak and flawed flesh. Afterall, it is only the character of Christ on display in the brokenness of my life that will bring glory to my God. A composition of redemption and renewal, a pulling together of the Perfect into the imperfect of my flesh...

"But you don't have to get it right the first time.  Let things evolve...tweaking...along the way"

Have you noticed that we rarely get it right the first time? But we have a Savior who sympathizes with our weaknesses and so lovingly pours out mercy and grace to help us in our time of need. We are "being changed" into the image of Christ....always present tense....it happens by a daily dying and resurrection--not all at once. Our Lord gives us grace for this evolution...we must give it to each other also....

in the dining room...       "The center space is your canvas..."

I had to spiritually focus on myself and my Father for a few days.  I was physically tired, but more than that, spiritually unsettled and hungry.  My center space has been made alive to the spiritual and it is now God's canvas--I don't create myself...He creates Christ in me. Spiritual living in the physical and the physical becoming the spiritual. I needed my Lord to clear out the periphery and create in me a clean heart...one that would receive his creative life-giving touch.

"...and the ends stay clear so there's room to eat without moving everything."  

A heart that's hungry, needs spiritual food....but if I don't clear off the table, there's no room for the manna.  The clearing away, agreeing with the Lord about what has to leave my heart, is mandatory for the centerpiece to shine true.

"Imperfect symmetry makes for a dramatic but not-too-formal view."

What's imperfect in my life fits into God's symmetry when He miraculously makes a Simply Susan into an arrangement of His making.  He's so good at taking "matching pieces" of the physical life of His children--the common-ness of sin, strengths and weaknesses--then throwing "in something subtly off,"  like glass with pottery--or a smart "dumb" blonde so that each of us can say to the world, "That's right--I'm eclectic."  not perfect...

"A splash of pattern and texture...gives solids a point of view...exposing some wood adds richness to the scene"  

God's art of arranging our lives makes all things good and beautiful in time, and especially when the wood of the old rugged cross shines forth on the solid foundation of His work.

...in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.  Eph. 4:22-24

crabapple in bloom

crabapples galore!

Counting 1000 gifts of thanks with Multitudes on Mondays

Touched and inspired by Ann Voskamp and her book, One Thousand Gifts, to start my own list of gifts of thanks.  May it inspire you too...to live a life of thanksgiving, and by so doing, find yourself seeing our Lord in every nook and cranny of life, living with God "in focus", tasting and seeing and hearing that the Lord, He is good......even when......yes.....even when.....

free download from Landee See, Landee Do

14.  our founding fathers and all who came before them to seek "the land of the free, the home of the brave".
15.  patriotic Americans, the ones who are not ashamed to believe in all our country has stood for, who believe our honorable history, who want to keep our founding principles, our Judeo-Christian heritage.
16.  for a holiday to celebrate the brave men and women who committed their "lives," "fortunes," and "sacred honor," to give us our republic.
17.  for all men and women who fought for our country, those who died and those who lived, who gave themselves to defend the cause of liberty both here and abroad.
18. for our military men and women who are today defending our nation, may God keep them and reward them.
19.  for the Holy Bible, God's Word, that teaches us God's hand in the lives of nations, reminds us to pray for our leaders, and reminds us of our responsibility to pass on to each generation all of God's activity in history, all His power and glory in our world.
20. For our ability to exercise our love for country and our God....and to pass it on....
21.  And above all, our forever thanks for the freedom from sin and death that our Savior Jesus Christ bled and died for...eternal liberty to praise and worship and give thanks to Him!

Some links to enjoy today....
God Bless the USA, video
Gaither Vocal Band: Let Freedom Ring